This can also show that you might be struggling to navigate your own feelings of grief and pain-without going overboard and burdening them more. Telling them you’re at a loss for words offers a healthy dose of authenticity. You won’t always know what to say to a terminally ill friend or loved one, and that’s okay. When it’s unclear how much time they have left, it’s crucial to tell your loved one how you feel, and often. In fact, in the book “ The Four Things That Matter Most,” author and doctor Ira Byock found through extensive research that these four phrases carry enormous weight to terminally ill patients : When trying to figure out what to say to a terminally ill friend or loved one, it’s often most meaningful to simply express your feelings for them. “I love you,” or “You mean so much to me.” Often, people who are facing a serious illness are bombarded with messages and calls from people who are thinking about them, and the obligation to reply to each and every person can be overwhelming or emotionally draining. If you reach out via text, email, or voicemail, it’s important to let them know that they don’t need to reply if they’re not up to it. This phrase can also help you segway into sharing a favorite memory of this person. Telling your friend or loved one that you’ve been thinking about them is a wonderful yet simple way to show you care. This phrase is a good option instead of offering platitudes like, “You’re going to get through this,” or “everything happens for a reason.” These phrases can invalidate their emotions and their struggle. Offering your time and listening skills is sometimes all that’s needed to lift someone’s spirits. This open-ended query makes way for you to fulfill any number of important requests. Or perhaps all they really want is a big hug or a shoulder to cry on. Maybe they’re craving a good cup of coffee, a warm blanket, or a buddy to watch their favorite movie with. This question highlights your desire to help and shows you care about their needs. It’s a wonderful gateway question-meaning it can lead to many other conversations. Ignoring their illness because you’re uncomfortable or worried about making them uncomfortable can actually invalidate their feelings and be hurtful.Īsking how they’re feeling acknowledges their illness while allowing them to lead the conversation about it. This simple question gives your friend or loved one the opportunity to share as much or as little about their terminal illness as they’d like. These six ideas can help you start a meaningful conversation. There are no perfect words in times like these, but by being there for your friend or loved one and making an effort to talk with them, your good intentions will shine through. What to say to someone who is terminally ill Each person is unique and may respond differently to certain conversations, but we hope this guide offers a few helpful ideas about what to say when someone is terminally ill. You might even be hesitant or anxious about talking with them or spending time together out of fear of doing or saying the wrong thing during an already difficult time. They’ll usually need proof, for example the death certificate.If a friend or loved one is terminally ill, it’s understandable that you may be at a loss for words. Tell the Child Trust Fund account provider. If you get Child Benefit for a child who has died this can still carry on for a short time. This is often one of the child’s parents, but if your child was married, it could be their husband or wife. The money in the account will be paid to the person who inherits the child’s estate. You’ll need to provide evidence that your child is terminally ill.
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